With my breakup series on my instagram, I’ve been getting a lot of messages from other people going through breakups and asking for advice. It was really difficult to type out in the dms all the advice I wanted to give, so I decided to to explore this further in my blog, and bring in some of my pals to help out.
University buddy, talented maker & paper extraordinaire
Dealing with your mental health during a break up can really be one of the trying and stressful times of your life and I can personally say I’ve not always been amazing at it but I’m getting better. Don’t push yourself to feel or do something that you feel really isn’t right for you. The painful truth is that it takes time to heal and you can’t really say how much time it will be, but I can say it will slowly fade and you will look back and be able to see the growth you have done in that time. You will always be wiser for the mistakes and falls you take and learn something new about yourself, and in my belief life is more manageable in these parts when you know more of who you are so take this time to discover single you. Sometimes it’s hard to put on a brave face and not want to admit you are struggling but even if you don’t feel like telling everyone it’s ok to let your guard down to someone, no one least of all you should expect you to be over it by now. Breaking up hurts like hell and I have done nights of ugly crying and feel like I’m going crazy inside my head with the thoughts of an empty space that use to be full, let it out cry as much as you feel please don’t bottle it in. You may feel knocked down but don’t stop growing and discovering who you are don’t let anyone romantic or non romantic stop you from growing into who you are.
Media lecturer – My good old university housemate
Check out this cool doc he made
Concentration on yourself and moving towards learning how to be your own individual. Aim not for what you are, but for what you could be and keep that at the forefront of your mind. That’s helped me a great deal, and still does now.
Physio therapist & Gin Extrondinaire
Keeping busy, seeing your friends and developing new hobbies is important
Scott – Aka Scott Star
Time definitely helps. And every relationship is a lesson that helps you find out who you are, so try to find out what you’ve learnt and be happy about that.
Laura – Recently saw a UFO in Vietnam
Spend the money you’d spend on them on fun activities for yourself: take a class for something you’ve always wished you could do, go horse riding on a beach, go to exhibitions and museums. Set little goals you can achieve: go for a walk, go somewhere new, add them to your routine.
Reach out and help other people, for example there might be someone who always looks sad at work, or offer your time at a homeless/animal shelter or help raise money for a cause.
I actually asked this really unhappy looking woman who I found out she was going through divorce at the time to go for lunch at work and ended up having lunch every week. Before I left she said how she appreciated it and it really was such a lovely feeling. Helping other people really does make such a big difference.
Clarky – The one with the tough love usually, although this advice is really sweet.
I’d say the best break up advice is it’s never gonna happen at the right time.Try and save up the sad for a day when you can fully devote yourself to it. Only make yourself be strong when it benefits you. Always try to remember that this is something hundreds of people go through every minute, and picture a time when you’re gonna be alright, fucking cling to that image and eventually you’ll get there without even noticing it. Always think of feeling happier from a long game perspective, but pat yourself on the back as each tiny piece of you comes back together. You must be able to survive on your own or you’d be dead by now.
Emily – When your friend gets a girlfriend and she becomes one of your good friends, thats Emily.
Rediscover yourself. All relationships include some sort of compromise and if the relationship is good and lasts these compromises are worthwhile but also they’re usually unimportant in the grand scheme. But in my break-ups I found I was a different person coming out the other end of it. I had to take some time to rediscover my own identity. Some of my relationships have been a little toxic but even the ones that weren’t I still needed to step back and concentrate on myself just like the other girls have said.
Sarah – Editor @ CPPE – My oldest and dearest friend
I’d say learn to enjoy your own company again and do things that you enjoy that the person you were with wouldn’t have wanted to do. When my last relationship broke up I went to the cinema by myself to see a film that I mentioned to my ex when we were together and he wasn’t interested.
Make more time to catch up with friends you haven’t seen in a while.
I can definitely lose bits of my personality in a relationship because I get so invested in it, so I think doing things again that you forgot enjoyed doing is really important.
Richard – Founder and editor at Astral Noize
I ended a relationship I was in earlier this year and it was tough. The biggest mistake I made was that I moved on too fast. I jumped straight into tinder, arranged a date far sooner than I should have, and felt fucking horrible before, during and after.
Moral of the story: Don’t go to Tinder to move on and sort out what you’re feeling when you’re going through a breakup because online dating is a very good way to bury what you’re feeling. Its a really good way to move on afterwards, but you really need to take a few weeks/months/years (however long it takes) for yourself when you first go through a breakup. It’s so easy to jump straight back in with Tinder or OKCupid to immediately deal with the heartache, but in the long run, it’ll just make it worse.